Would you like a sign-on bonus with that sir?

I recently put a very terse email together to a recruiter.  These people have been sending me 3-5 emails PER WEEK on a position that is almost completely foreign to “Data Storage”  (Well, it does involve data…but that’s it about as close as it gets.)

Recruiting is another place where supposedly technical work is going to the lowest bidder, and judging by the accents I’m hearing, usually overseas.  This drives me nuts.  Not just because American companies continue to ship jobs overseas despite the fact that our own unemployment numbers are ready to surpass 9% (Source: Bureau of Labor Statistics)

The other reason I hate it is that it’s obvious (see below) that the comprehension level of these people is around the 3rd grade.

Recruiting used to be an art form.  Now it’s usually just some idiot saying “you want fries with that?”

And to people who outsource their recruiting let me tell you something.  If you can’t afford a real recruiter, you probably can’t afford a real staff either.  And if you would rather screw your country than pay someone what they’re worth, I really don’t want to work for you.

————————–My Response:

To whom it may concern:

I usually don’t like to remove myself from job lists, but you’ve been (incorrectly) identifying me for this positions for months upon months now.

Please make the madness stop. I am not a “data modeler” by any stretch of the imagination and by continuing to attempt to recruit me for this position proves that you actually have no idea what a “data modeler” actually is.

Data modeling is a way to structure and organize data so it can be used easily by databases. If you’ll check the information that you’ve got somewhere in your data banks on me, you’ll find that “Structure” and “Organize” have nothing to do with my field. (“Databases” only relates to my field on the periphery, in that it all has to be stored somewhere.)

Thank you for your PROMPT consideration.

/JG

———————-Original Email

Dear Jesse,

If you have the experience required for the following job order, please forward your latest resume to kaden@catstaffing-us.com Or Call me at 201 255 0319 x 177., along with responding to the following questions:

What is your hourly rate?
Where do you currently reside (city, state)?
Would you be willing to relocate?
Are you a registered http://www.logtalent.com User? ( It is FREE, It will help us to track your availability and resume for future job openings )
What is your availability to start a new project?
Are you authorized to work in the United States?
If you are not a US citizen, do you have the legal right to remain permanently in the US ? If not, what is your visa status?
Do you have a personal website URL? Your own blog or personal website. ?

PLEASE CAREFULLY READ THE JOB DESCRIPTION DETAILS AS PROVIDED BELOW. THIS IS AN IMMEDIATE OPENING:

Job Title: Data Architect
Job Location:
Job Type: Contract
JobDetail Description:

Job Title: Data Architect Location: Worcester, MA Length: 6+ months Skills: Data Architect , XML Description: Position Available for Data Architect in Worcester area, MA Summary The Data Architect will responsible for the design and architecture for the enterprise data solutions implemented in projects.
The data architect must be involved in the early stages of projects and produce data-related design deliverables that will enable project teams to build/modify systems in keeping with the overall data architecture strategy.
The Data Architect will need a demonstrated ability to produce conceptual, logical, and physical data models.
Responsibilities Assist project teams regarding data mapping and data modeling as well as facilitation of information gathering sessions, provide data analysis services and document them as required; Develop, implement and maintain processes for logical to physical data model creation.
Processes will provide data integrity, quality, reliability, availability, and reuse; Ensure adherence to company data architectural guidelines, principles and standards in all project milestones and deliverables; Define and implement data strategies as part of the project life cycle; Research, evaluate and recommend new technologies and techniques to more effectively monitor and manage data asset; Design messaging models and schemas for SOA such as XML; Perform dimensional modeling for data warehousing; Demonstrate responsibility and accountability for the deliverables; Other responsibilities as required.
What are the must haves of this position? Solid leadership and influencing skills which balance creative yet practical solutions for the businesses without compromising corporate data strategies and standards; demonstrate respect and a positive attitude, while projecting a sense of calm and control under pressure situations; Strong verbal and written communication skills which can clearly articulate complex concepts and ideas to all levels of the organization in both technical and non-technical terms; Extensive knowledge of data mapping and data modeling processes; Understanding of data architecture as it relates to operational and analytical information, i.
e.
platforms, reference data, DBMS, data integration; Analytical skills which effectively deal with conceptual and tangible ideas along with attention to detail; Working knowledge of the IT development process and life cycle, i.
e.
roles/responsibilities, tasks, milestones, deliverables; Team oriented with ability to work effectively with many different people across many diverse organizations; Ability to work on multiple, concurrent projects in a dynamic environment assignment-based organization and manage time appropriately; Management skills, with the ability to plan, organize and orchestrate activities such as JAD and review sessions; ability to identify and manage risks and issues, including appropriate escalation when needed; Need to be a self-starter, passionate for data and able to work independently with minimal supervision; Requirements: Bachelors Degree and 3 – 5 Years of Experience in data related fields; Experience with enterprise-level DBMS systems and tools e.g. Oracle, DB2, SQL Server Experience with Erwin, XML Spy is a plus; Experience with ACORD is a plus.

4 comments

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    • CyberED on May 13, 2009 at 5:47 pm
    • Reply

    IT in many large corporations is rapidly becoming a black hole. The simple reason being that the top executives, like much of Wall St, is staffed by skilled politicians who will say whatever will get them promoted. You don’t get fired for buying IBM/EDS/SAP/Microsoft/Oracle and the deals seem to get made on the golf course. No ladder climbing CIO will say to the CEO, “You haven’t got a $%^&* clue!, Let me do my job, just stay the $%^&* out of IT!!!” The Peter Principle ensures that the CIO and his subordinate managers are more interested in saving their butt and cutting corners to save money to pay for the mis-steps they’ve already made. People like you and your blog’s readers call it like it is and get cast ostracized. They reason that they can hire four Mexican ex-tomato growers for what you charge! More people has got to be better. Of course, they won’t do the hiring themselves since that comes with responsibility. Better to outsource to the cheapest recruiter. And when you don’t get the any takers claim that there aren’t enough qualified workers and lobby for increasing H1B quotas.

    • RacaSAN on May 14, 2009 at 6:07 am
    • Reply

    I don’t mind these ones so much as at least it is still IT in some shape or form.
    The ones that get me are the ones for warehouse steel racking and other “storage”….

    • DT on May 15, 2009 at 9:07 am
    • Reply

    For the last few years I’ve noticed the recruiters getting dumber every year. Every now and then I get one who’s been around for a while and is easy to deal with, but that seems to happen less often every year.

    Now I think staffers find the person who speaks the least amount of English and is the most difficult to understand to do their calls and recruiting. If I can’t understand them, I just hang up now.

    I remember when negotiating used to be part of a job, now they just want to know what your rate is before they give you ANY real details on the position.
    My rate varies based on things like, length of contract, location, whether it’s contract to hire, or contract only, whether it’s 1099 or not. It’s not just an arbitrary number I throw out there.

    1. I’ve found that the best places to go are the places that still use their own internal recruitment.

      One of my previous employers has always bucked the trend and continues to use internal recruiting, and I will ALWAYS respect them for that. Hell if the right position came along I may go back to them. (Hear that SBS?) They were good people.

      I’m with you, unless they say something that gets my attention in the first 15 seconds I don’t pay attention. If a company is willing to skimp on recruitment then their interest is putting butts in seats, not finding quality people who can do the job, and honestly that’s just not the type of company I want to work for.

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